The Emergency Trump Replacement Tier List

Going through the Republican bullpen in the event that a clearly incapable Trump steps aside.

(Credit for the voiceover for this article goes to the great Samuel Lipson)

After last night’s second first presidential debate, the Republican Party has reached an inflection point. The warning signs had been growing for quite some time, but now, a devastating conclusion has become unavoidable: Donald J. Trump is not fit to serve as President of the United States for a second term. The eloquent statesman of years past, who once so valiantly defended the size of his penis and blamed Bush for 9/11, is gone. In his place is a doddering, decayed husk who was unable to make even the most basic points and fell for laughably obvious traps. Despite facing an opponent that he and his allies constantly mocked as a pushover, he got demolished, losing the prime-time event he himself set up by a massive margin.

Even if they are unwilling to admit it or simply incapable of recognizing it, the reality facing conservatives is undeniable. Their decision to place loyalty and sentimentality above common sense and nominate the oldest presidential candidate in history has failed. An election that could have otherwise been a layup against a historically unpopular administration has now become one they are on track to lose because of Trump’s negative qualities. Thankfully for the party, many of his problems seem to be specific to him, much like Joe Biden’s age was before he was swapped out. So, who on the Republican presidential bench stands as a conservative Kamala Harris or Gretchen Whitmer, ready to come in and finally realize the long-awaited dream of an electable Trumpism?

There has to be at least one person who could do it, right?

Right?

F Tier

Senator JD Vance (R-Kekistan)

Wait. Oh shit. He might actually be worse.