The Path to a President Who Doesn't Suck, Among Other Questions

The second official Ettingermentum mailbag.

Trevor M asks: It seems pretty clear that Mayor Pete’s career is DOA, so what’s the funniest possible next pivot for him after transportation?

I’ll start this answer off by admitting something: for as much as I dislike Pete Buttigieg and what he represents, it’s a little hard not to feel a tinge of sympathy for how things have gone for him. Just so everyone is aware, this question was sent to me before the Baltimore bridge collapse occurred, not after. The fact that this was being asked about Buttigieg even prior to the greatest crisis of his tenure speaks to just how weird of a position he’s in right now. While I wouldn’t go as far as Trevor here in saying that his career is DOA, I think it’s undeniable that his appointment to the Department of Transportation has ended up becoming something of a white elephant.

Just think about where he’s ended up with this job. For the benefit of gaining experience people won’t really take seriously, he’s become forever associated with a deeply unpopular administration. He only makes the news when things go wrong. When things go right, it either goes unnoticed or is credited to other people. He will never again be the only person running in a presidential primary who can claim to represent the future. Going forward, there will always be at least one other candidate with his same background and appeal, but with more accomplishments, more credibility, and a larger constituency.

Love him, hate him, there’s no way around it. Pete Buttigieg, the exciting rising star, is gone forever, as is the very specific political environment that allowed his star to rise at all. It’s hard to think of any future lane for him beyond lucking into a vice presidential selection, which must be maddening for him, because he really couldn’t have done much more to help himself career-wise. What he pulled off in 2019 and 2020 was legitimately impressive. He succeeded! But what he got just isn’t nearly enough for what he wants. I’m all the happier for it, but it’s kind of sad. At least in the way that seeing a bug struggling while turned over on its back is sad.

So, with that said, what is the funniest possible pivot for him after his current gig is up? In another world where Biden wins, it could be cool to see him given increasingly thankless jobs until he’s forced to weigh the pros and cons of taking the offer to be White House janitor or just giving up the ghost and going back to the private sector. In a world where Biden loses, though, a fairly likely and pretty amusing one could be for him to try, and fail, to run for statewide office in his recently adopted home state of Michigan. This would be quite fun, and not just because it would involve a former presidential contender losing to something like a state senator. What would make it truly amazing would be how much Buttigieg himself would be fully aware of just how desperate it all would be. To see all of the truly savvy moves of his career culminate in a doomed carpetbagger bid would be pitch-perfect.

Things wouldn’t end there, of course. They’re never going to end with him. With Buttigieg’s blank slate of a record and capacity for self-invention, I can imagine him trying to fashion himself as everything from the heir of Bernie Sanders to the leader of a UK-style anti-woke movement. It’s going to be a long time before we see his very last act, but until then, it would be quite profound to watch someone who made his supposed devotion to his community the center of his 2020 campaign try and pretend to be from another state for a year.

Brodacious asks: What is the ideal cosmic sequence of events between now and 2028 that gets us a progressive presidential nominee who doesn't suck?

It’s time for some game theory.